X I A N G Y U: Too late to regret.

Early in the morning I got a call from my cousin that she's getting married. I was like "HUH?! You getting married? How come so fast?!" Anyway, she's really getting married in Apr and she wants me to be in her sister group. Up till now, I still can't accept the fact that's she's getting married. She's like a year older than me and I guess everyone was expecting me to be the first one to get married or whatsoever, but yea, I'm not letting marriage tie me down at least for now. Seriously I still can't get over the fact that she's gonna be married to someone and I won't be able to see her as and when I want 'cause she won't be staying in the same block as me and ya, we've been staying in the same block since don't know how many donkey years ago. We used to be so close, talking about everything under the stars & sky. Maybe when people grow older they realised how childish were our talks & stuff, we drifted apart somehow. Not just with her, but with both her sisters too. I decided to shut myself away from them & they decided to do that to. People used to mistaken us, 'cause we all look alike but now, none of all these happen for many years alr. Come to think of it, if I get another chance I will cherish our sisterhood instead of being petty over insignificant stuff that became nothing in my life now. I remember 2 years back when B decided that he wants to give up on me & was with another girl, I was devastated. I was so upset so emotional that I started cutting myself like nobody business & breakdown and cry almost every hour in a day. I got no one to talk to till one day I broke down in front of my parents & they didn't know what to do so they called my cousin up and she came right over to console me and let me cry my heart out, lending me her shoulders and patting me like how she used to when we were younger. We used to go out together very often when we were younger, Dad always bring us out to eat, to play, to do everything together. We even bought the same new year clothes together. First I got same new year clothes as her sister then was the 3 of us. They often come over my house to sleepover and we end up tossing and rolling each other and woke up in each other's mattress. We had laughter and laughter & still laughter every time. I wonder since when things started to change. They were always the first to know everything about me 'cause they were the first that I will inform. But not anymore now, every thing had change. Changed so much. All that times, memories together, I miss those times but I know things aren't gonna be the same again.

Since young my cousin was a straight forward girl. If she don't like something she voice out and never keep to her self. That's why we often on conflicts and quarrel but still, we are cousins and we don't hurt each other. Mum and aunt always ask why aren't we close like before alr. I just said I don't know maybe ppl change. But the real reason was 'cause I think that they would tell their mum everything I tell them and when my aunt find out something the first thing I think of is "It must be them"/ BUt my aunt always say that no matter how she scold and say them they never ever tell them anything I told them but I choice not to believe and shut myself away from them. It was my fault, I was so petty, jealous and envy of their life. That they have sisters and mum that really understands them and I don't. So ever since then I always want to prove that I have a better life than them, a better bf, better parents, better in everything but I realise all I ever needed was them, it was always them. I was such a stupid girl. Everything is too late now. Too late. It's not that she's leaving me or something. It's just that she's getting married which means I won't be seeing her often anymore, esp when now, there's no more saturday gathering at grandma house anymore. The more I won't see her. Now I finally accept the fact that I'm growing up, every one around me is growing up to. Things will never be able to keep the same like how it used to be. I really miss everything we used to had. Every single moment.

The photos are taken when I was young, I know I'm ugly so laugh all you want. By the way, this is my blog.

[caption id="attachment_3534" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="My cousins and I used to wait for disney channel for baby looney"]