"This was the last photo taken with grandfather, during chinese new year this year 2010"
Had been at the wake for the past few days and decided to stay up every night so that I can accompany him more, see him more before I don't get to see him ever just photos for reminiscing. Whenever I look at him, tears just start blurring my vision. I miss him a lot. I kept thinking of how he used to ask "so fast finish eating? don't want to eat more" in dialect to all of us. And always asking me to eat more and more, getting veg and fish for me. Asking all of us to drink more soup, eat fruits. The one that I will never forget is that he always ask all of us to eat banana. Without fail every single time there's a bunch of bananas waiting for us. Thinking of all these just made me feel even more heartache. I reflected on myself the past few days and kept saying sorry to him for not visiting him more often and not talking to him more. I want him to come back, come back and smile at me, come back and talk to me, talk to all of us. His smiling face keep appearing in my mind and I'm so afraid that one day I might forget. I don't want him to leave us. He wanted me to drive him around when I got my driving license but before I have the chance to do so, he left us. The sadness is beyond words can describe. I can't accept the fact that he's gone. I wish that when I wake up from my sleep, all these are just a dream, a nightmare and when I go over to visit them, he's still there smiling and asking me how I am and how's my studies and telling me to help dad when I finish school. But after I woke up every day I realised this was never a dream... ...
I'm sad because he left us. Now I'm sad, worried and afraid. The fear I'm feeling is something I've never felt before. After I saw what happen at Bright hill today, I'm afraid that dad will not be able to take it or maybe he will fall anytime. I'm afraid, I'm scare. I can't lose anyone now especially my dad. He's too important to me like mum is to me. But for the past few days when I see him, I see the sadness in his eyes but he still tried to be strong because he was the oldest son. When I feel like crying and I hug him, he pushes me away and say "You have to be strong". I know he's very upset over grandfather. And he's very tired. He wanna help in some ways but he just don't know what to do. I know dad is not as healthy as before, I'm so afraid that I will lose him and hearing what mum said.
Please, don't take anyone I love away from me anymore. I don't think I'll be able to take it anymore. I need them, they are my support. I don't need anyone, all I want is my family to be safe and sound. It's not too much to expect from. I rather leave earlier than seeing them go, Sorry but I really don't think I can manage the pain and sadness.