Birthdays

So many people have their birthdays that falls on December. One of them is my grandfather. Saturday, everyone went over to grandma house to celebrate grandfather's birthday. I remember last year we celebrated his birthday at Jumbo Seafood at ECP. Having him alive, on the other tables talking happily with my cousins and aunts and uncles. I even took a photo with him and grandma. That was the last birthday we celebrated with him. Every year on His birthday or fathers' day, mum will buy chicken essence for me and I give it to my grandfather, and everytime I will wish him to have be healthy and long live. I meant every single word. Still, he's gone now and Saturday I heard my uncle saying that it's the last time we are celebrating his birthday and from next year onwards there's only death anniversary and no more birthday. I'm upset, I held back my tears so that grandma won't see all of us crying. I'm tearing now while typing this. I miss my grandfather so much. Suddenly I remember so many details of him. How he always fill my bowl with food, how he keep asking me to eat more saying that I'm too skinny, how he always ask my cousins and I to eat bananas, how he keep pushing yam paste to me because he knew I love it. The last time I rejected his offer when he offered me pomelo during mooncake festival. The moment I think of that I'm damn sad. It's like a prick in my heart and hurting me so much. I'm sorry ahgong. I'm sorry. If you're somewhere up there, I hope you understand what I'm feeling now. And please bless grandma and make her get well. I love you so much. We all love you and miss you.